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Showing posts from September, 2012

Breaking News

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Falling Out of Love

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It is very easy for me to change my mind, based on prevailing circumstances, so as to minimize exposure/vulnerability. However, it appears He is always in love with me and all the junk I have allowed into the room of my heart have blocked the ray of God's love from illuminating my heart and thus, the warmth I have been accustomed to is glaringly missing, hence, the gloom, depression, constant feeling of loneliness and lone-ranger attitude while maintaining the outward appearance of keeping it together all the while feeling like crap every day. Someone said “loneliness is not a loss of someone, but a loss of direction and vision for your life” I couldn't have put it better myself, we are usually tunnel-vision-minded that we pay so much attention to the physical that we ignore the most important and yet invisible parts of our lives. A saying goes thus “the most important things in life are free”, and while you may find reasons to dispute it, the fact remains, you can’t see love,…

When Determination Fails

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The proverbial moment of decision on which the real purpose of the whole story hinges on is here in this chapter of the story. All I have learned prior are turning out to be more than was summarized in those books. Looking back now, I think I would have rubbed minds directly with the authors to have a firsthand knowledge of what they went through, how they held on (if they did) who/what changed their minds and convinced them to stay the course, plus, when did it all change and when did they notice it? I know I have written in earlier times that I have reached the lowest ebb, but the definition keeps getting redefined for me and the record keeps being broken by none other than yours truly. For years, I have pride myself in my ability to choose to do something and stick with it, unwavering. Of late, it seems every decision I have ever made is being revisited and my determination does not seem to be able to help, it may be nothing, but no, it is definitely everything. If my determination h…